Adults are often inclined to think of childhood as a happy time, free of stresses and concerns. Children's problems may seem minor-perhaps even "cute"-in comparison with their own. Parents should always remember, however, that as far as a child is concerned, the problems of childhood are serious indeed, and that they pose real challenges to a child's emotional resources.

Below is a list of some of the possible sources of stress that may cause emotional upset and resulting behavioral changes in your child. Realizing that these situations can create upset for your child gives you the opportunity to support your child throughout the situation-in preparation for, during, and after the transition or difficulty.

• Death of a close family member.
• Death of a friend.
• Death of a pet.
• Parental fighting.
• Divorce of parents.
• Moving, even if only to a new neighborhood in the same town.
• Best friend moving away.
• Changing schools.
• Pregnancy of mother.
• Birth of a new sibling.
• Parent with a new girlfriend or boyfriend.
• Remarriage of a parent.
• Parent losing a job.
• Financial troubles in the family
• Illness of a close friend or family member
• Holidays.
• Bullies at school.
• First day of school
• Going away to camp.
• Beginning a new grade.
• Spending the night away from home, especially for the first time
• Fight with a friend
• Peer pressures, particularly in adolescence with drugs, smoking, drinking, sexuality.
• Threat of war, including the threat of nuclear war.

Alexis Augustine, child therapist and author, offers the following information and advice regarding children's temper tantrums.

A temper tantrum is an outburst or violent demonstration of anger or frustration. Temper tantrums get our attention. The behavior of a child during a temper tantrum can range from crying and sobbing to screaming, shrieking, and throwing himself on the ground. Tantrums can happen in the middle of the grocery store, when you have company over, or when you really need that quiet moment to yourself. The most important thing to understand about temper tantrums is that they happen for different reasons and need to be dealt with in different ways.

There are three basic categories of temper tantrums.

1. Some tantrums occur because small children are unable to contain strong emotions, such as disappointment, frustration, or anger. They are still learning how to cope with their feelings. This type of tantrum can occur when a child gets overtired or overstimulated; children are more vulnerable at these times. Having a tantrum then is a way for a child to discharge the tension that has built up in his body. A child who is having this type of tantrum is not using his behavior to manipulate you; he simply cannot contain the strength of his emotions. If this is the case, it is important to maintain contact with the child at this time and help him feel safe. He is out of control, and that can feel scary. Also, children need to learn that they are loved even though their behavior is not always "nice." An effective way to support a child who is having this kind of tantrum is to hold him or sit with him while he is going through it.
2. Another type of tantrum may occur if a child is not allowed to show anger or feelings that occur naturally. Children do not have the control over their emotions that adults have. They naturally have strong feelings, and for the sake of their emotional health they must be allowed to express these feelings and learn from them. When a child is not allowed to say that he is angry, an outburst of bottled-up feelings can be the result.
3. Finally, a child may have a tantrum to try to exert control over a situation or another person, whether that means getting his way about which game to play or postponing his bedtime. Children are in the process of learning about getting their needs met. They need guidance in learning the best, most direct, and most appropriate ways to do this. If having a tantrum seems to work, a child may conclude that it is a viable way to get what he wants. If a child is having this type of tantrum, it is a good idea to acknowledge the child's feelings, but not to acquiesce to his demands. For example, if a child has a tantrum when his friends want to play a different game than he does, you might tell the child you understand that he wants to play something else, but then have him move to a safe place to have his tantrum. When he's finished, have him come back to join in playing. This way, he will realize that having a tantrum is a waste of time; he isn't getting what he wants, and besides, everyone else is having fun without him. A child having this type of tantrum is testing the limits on his behavior. A firm but matter-of-fact response is an effective way to deal with it.

• Children need help in learning effective coping strategies.
• Children need to learn a variety of ways of coping, so that they don't have to rely on just one. If they know only one coping mechanism, and that one doesn't fit the situation they're in, they won't know what to do.
• Shaming or embarrassing children for their behavior undermines their confidence.
• Talking with children about their behavior is more effective once everyone has calmed down.
• Self-regulation is age related. Children get better at it as they get older. It helps to have patience.