I was one of those people who just couldn't imagine that sexual abuse was
so pre-
valent. I was raised in a family which, though it had its problems, was free of
alcoholism and sexual abuse. Incest was never mentioned as I grew up, nor was
it discussed in my two years of postgraduate training in psychiatric social
work at the UW from l974-76. Part of my job as an emergency room social worker
at Harborview was to receive and comfort sexual assault victims, document the
sordid details of the rape, and assist in a pelvic exam to gather legal
evidence. The subject of incest came up infrequently in the case of neglected
or abused children in conjunction with Children's Protective Services.
Otherwise, even in the progressive and open social work atmosphere at
Harborview, it was still a relatively undiscovered subject. I began to get an
inkling of the impact of sexual abuse during a Steven Levine seminar on
relationships four years ago when about 25% of the women attending admitted to
having experienced it personally. I was still in disbelief.
It has been only in the past three years in working intensively with women
that my eyes have been opened to the stark reality of sexual abuse. I have
heard woman after woman pour out her heart to me about the pain and suffering
they have experienced around being sexually threatened, molested, or violated.
Since it essential for me as a homeopathic doctor and counselor to throughly
understand each of my patients, I have elicited many shocking stories from my
patients. My continual response is one of sadness and amazement that such
gentle, loving women have had, for whatever reason, to experience such pain,
violence, disillusionment, and emotional suffering sometimes lasting a
lifetime.
I remember starting to cry when a particularly sensitive and gentle woman
told
me how her father would crawl into bed with her several times a week, fondle
her
breasts, and force her to have intercourse with him. He was drunk and
threatened to
hurt her even more if she ever told anyone about it. She was only four at the
beginning, had absolutely no idea what he was doing, whether it was wrong, or
how she was supposed to respond. So, she withdrew, turned herself on
"automatic" and left her body every time she was incested. It provided an
escape for six years but turning herself off sexually no longer worked now that
she was married and very much in love with her husband.
Another woman I saw recently was also forced to stroke her father's penis
repeatedly from the time she was ll to l7. She describes herself as rather
naive and emotionally immature. When she was l9 she went to work for a medical
doctor who, before he started seeing his patients, would tell her to get up on
the table every morning for "an exam". As unlikely as it seems, she did so for
a year. Because of her long history of incest, she still had no concept of
healthy sex. She now has a tremendous aversion to making love with her
partner.
I was recently invited to Winthrop, Washington and spoke to about 30 women
on PMS and menopause. One of the women who approached me after the talk to
make an appointment looked at me teary-eyed, said she couldn't really tell me
at that time what was going on, but thought at counseling appointment was what
she needed. When I saw her individually, she immediately started crying and
recounted to me her story of sexual abuse by her brother. She had a very happy
l0-year marriage and two children but never had the courage to tell her husband
about the incest because he and her brother were very close and she feared
their friendship would be destroyed once he knew what her brother had done. I
was the first person she had ever really told about it and she was greatly
relieved when I suggested that she did share it all with her husband. She had
wanted to tell him desperately and just needed some encouragement to do so.