Support can take a number of forms. It can involve listening, leaving alone, taking over chores for, giving massages to, confronting, holding, and a host of other things. It mostly involves the spirit in which whatever you do is done. Effective support assures your partner that even though things may be tough for a while, your love and support for them is constant.

In relationships based on a climate of scarcity, the tools we have described will be of some use, but it is only in relationships based on a climate of abundance that they will be able to attain their full potential.

The couples we studied who had the most outstanding relationships were the ones in which both partners had given up worrying about getting their "fair share." Both had come to focus on ways that they could give love and support to their partner.

When we asked these pairs to think back over their expectations of their partners early in the relationship and to decide if they'd gotten what they bargained for, all the members of this group answered in almost exactly the same way: "No, I didn't get what I expected. I got much more." Now that's abundance.